Pillar of Strength

Mothers and their children are in a category all their own. There's no bond so strong in the entire world. No love so instantaneous and forgiving.” ~ Gail Tsukiyama

Last weekend my Mom had come over, having to attend an umrah course in KL. In a few weeks' time she will be going on another umrah trip, with her brother and his family. About the same time I'd be departing for my Portugal trip. Sigh. Since my Mom had gone on a Hajj and umrah trip before, I asked her why she needed to attend the course. "Oh, It's been years, I probably have forgotten some of the things", she retorted. 
This is probably one of those rare trips where she came to KL alone, by bus. Usually she'd come with my sis and niece. I picked her up at Hentian Serdang and sent her off to my uncle's place in BB Bangi. But not before bringing her to her favourite restaurant, Ayam Penyet Wong Solo.  I normally don't eat rice for dinner but maybe I was too happy to see her, I ordered extra dishes which we had difficulties finishing! 
The next day I brought her to Alamanda, because she said she wanted to buy a new pair of shoes. I obliged.  I found myself asking her what else she needed. She mentioned she needed some socks. And wanted to borrow one of my telekungs. Again I obliged, without hesitation. I felt elated! It  was one of those rare moments when I get to be with her alone and tend to all her needs. In the process, I  became the center of her attention, and vice-versa. It was a nice feeling! I haven't felt like this for a long time! 
But this feeling didn't last long. On Monday she had to head back to Segamat. I sent her to TBS at Bandar Tasik Selatan. She was impressed and at the same time a bit daunted by the sophistication of the terminal. Well, can't blame her. Where buses are concerned, memories of  the old, deplorable and packed Puduraya was all she had to compare with! 
I sent my Mom onto the bus, put her bag on the overhead compartment and kissed her goodbye. As I drove from TBS, it occurred to me that my Mom may not have that many years to live any more  Not that I'm asking God to cut short her life. On the contrary, I hope God is giving my Mom a long life. There's just too many things that I haven't done for her. Too many things I've yet to learn from her. And too many things that she wants me to achieve, but I haven't. Guilt started to engulf me. You hang in there, Mom, I thought. I just need a bit more time to sort out a few things in my life and make you proud of me. 
But then you never know. One thing I learn about life is that death can occur any time,  anywhere. I shuddered nervously, thinking, what if something happens to my Mom when she is performing her umrah? What if she dies there, just like my Grandma? Frankly, I can't imagine life without my Mom. I can't! She has always been there for me. She is my pillar of strength. She has always been there, forever ready with her unconditional love. It is this unconditional love that amazes me and leaves me baffled  at times. Yet, without this, I wouldn't have got to this stage in my life. Mom, please don't leave me yet, please. 



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