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2012: Second, Third and Fourth-Quarter

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This post came late, I know. A lot of things got the best of me, especially my thesis. But I reckon before 2012 draws its final curtain, I'd better recap some of the major things that had occurred. A bit of retrospection would be good for the soul. So, in no particular order:  
1. Diet, Loss
As I'd mentioned earlier on this year, I had gone on a diet to lose weight; reinforced by sessions of working out at the gym. I managed to lose around 10 kgs by the middle of the year. Most people I know had remarked on the change. I was happy that I could now fit into my kebaya(s) again. That I could now fit into a size 28 jeans. A size M top. A size M pants. I still carry on with the diet, not with the aim to lose any more weight, but to maintain it. I try to eat healthily,  with portion control. Of course, this diet is botched whenever I go out, meet up with friends, travel or balik kampong, but I try to make up for these immediately.  If I want, I could try to get back the weight that …

Lie To Me

If you don't like it
Lie to me
Just let me bask
In my own serendipity.

If you don't like it
Lie to me
And let me ponder not
The thought and labour
Wasted on it.

My Darling, You...!

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Muse finally got a place that he could call his own. But the moving-in took quite some time due to some complications regarding the transfer of grant. So he asked whether I wanted to take care of his cat. I was honoured, and teased him, "Is there anyone else that would?" (thinking, because if there is anyone else, I want to know who he or she is, and why do you trust this person so much?). He didn't see the funny side of this unfortunately. Gosh. I had to reassure him that he got to have some faith in me and to never, ever doubt me. Double gosh. 
So the cat was handed over to me. I really, really, really didn't think I would bond with it. Not like I bonded with Izzy, my deceased cat. It cowered every time I got near it and went hiding in unlikely corners of the house for hours, coming out only to eat and shit. And when I tried to touch it, it would give me that 'I-don't-trust-you-bitch' kinda look. Like this:


It broke my heart so much at first.

So this h…

Rowing Through...

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Whenever you're in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude. ~ William James.
A recent row with Muse reduced me to tears. It also taught me a lot of things.   1) Never, ever assume what the other thinks. Sometimes texting is not always the best way to communicate, especially when you need to plan things urgently. There's that tendency to read too much between the lines and filling in the blanks with your emotion rather than rational thinking. Just pick up the phone and call.
2) Accumulated pet peeves have the tendency to get articulated one by one during a row, which is not a bad thing. It is a good thing, I think, albeit a shocking one, considering Muse is quite a reserved person and often keeps things to himself. Otherwise I'd never hear these pet peeves and therefore keep on hurting him. I should take note that when Muse did this, I just kept quiet and listened atten…

Texting, Musing

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I miss those texts...

that made me smile at odd times of the day that asked me what I’m doing this weekend that accompanied me during those boring journeys that got rid of my doubts.
I miss those texts...

that asked me what I think of your choices that told me you're done with the things you enjoy most that asked me to listen to you that brought us to the inner you.
I miss those times when texting was just so effortless yet so jitteringly meaningful.

Relationships are harder now because conversations became texting, feelings became subliminal messages online ~ Anonymous



2012: First-Quarter in Retrospect

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I know I think. Does this cow or that tree knows it? ~http://philosophy-of-doctors.blogspot.com/2009/10/quoting-my-own-quotes.html
Time flew so past and now it's April. You don't think you've done anything significant so far. But you've learnt a few significant things.

1. Doing a PHD is like trying to balance on a tight rope, with no interested audience. A genius somewhere said this. You totally agree!
2. Your level of tolerance for humour has significantly decreased; at times you find yourself severely suffering from humour-deficiency. PHD-induced, is all you can say.
3. When you hit rock-bottom (PHD-induced), it is much better to talk it out with someone who is undergoing or has gone through the same ordeal. Only fellow travelers on the PHD trail would understand what you're talking about. Those not on the trail would have no inkling of what you're talking about and they probably don't care anyway.
4. It's good to keep abreast with what's happening to…

Flowers Are The Sweetest Things

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If only I had a garden. I'd plant these flowers until I'm blue in the face.

    Hydrangea. Bunga tiga bulan, in Malay. Reminds me of baby blue. And babies in general. And UK.
Peonies. No Malay word for it. This flower just reminds me of the Far East.

Azalea. I like these flowers because of the name. No Malay word for it. Reminds me of Holland, too.
       Tea-pink rose. I only like this type of rose. Not pink, but tea-pink. No Malay word for it. Maybe Mawar merah jambu teh?
White orchid. This flower screams elegant and Oriental to me. Orkid putih.
 Tuberose. Bunga sundal malam. Despite the provocative Malay name, I like the smell a lot. Plus, it's a bit phallic. Hahaha.

I don't know what this is called.  I call it "Bunga tepi jalan". These flowers somehow remind me of my childhood. They were pretty abundant during those days.
When you have only two pennies left in the world, buy a loaf of bread with one, and a lily with the other. ~Chinese Proverb

(Early) 2012 Ramblings...

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I had many reasons to be happy when 2012 kicked off.

First, I lost 5 kg (at the time of writing this though, I'd lost 6 kg...)

Even though this pic is not very clear, I like the silhouette of my body. It is a testament of my hard work losing 5 kg. My whole life I've never, ever gone on a diet.
I like this pic very much because I looked really happy (I was happy, anyway). Plus, I think my arms look leaner (result of weight-lifting at the gym). Dieting coupled with exercising yielded a better result, definitely. 
Second, I’m done with Chapter One of my thesis (all 140+ pages of it). Yeeha!!!

Third, I wasn’t alone on the eve of New Year’s Day. I was crooning at the top of my lungs with a good friend in Johor Bahru until the clock stroke midnight!
Fourth, I was in Singapore for a whole-day trip on New Year’s Day, a trip that made one of my dreams come true. Hint: Keroncong. What 2011 taught me was, it really sucks to be alone on New Year’s Eve and on New Year’s Day. So I was really de…

2011, framed

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Framing 2011. Accompanied by my favourite pics. A picture speaks a thousand words, remember this old adage? What I managed to do in 2011:
1. Keep on working on my PHD.
I guess I managed to do this. I spent the whole year writing up about more or less 40k words. I’m a bit slow in writing, I realized. I worry too much. I realized a bit too late too, about the feasibility of Marxism in my area of study – so spent the last 3-4 months of 2011 reading, framing and cursing the theory. Nevertheless, I now revere Marx and Engels for their insightful and practical inquiry. And thanks to all the readings I’ve done (not only on Marxism), I find that I’m more attuned to my own culture, my country and how these have evolved. I’ve never felt more patriotic than now. The tanah air that I’ve known is never corrupt, it’s those at the helm that are corrupt.
2. Put on more weight (and then lost some).
I did do this. I ballooned up as a result of my trip to UK. I couldn't zip up my old jeans, I couldn…