2012: Second, Third and Fourth-Quarter

This post came late, I know. A lot of things got the best of me, especially my thesis. But I reckon before 2012 draws its final curtain, I'd better recap some of the major things that had occurred. A bit of retrospection would be good for the soul. So, in no particular order:

1. Diet, Loss

As I'd mentioned earlier on this year, I had gone on a diet to lose weight; reinforced by sessions of working out at the gym. I managed to lose around 10 kgs by the middle of the year. Most people I know had remarked on the change. I was happy that I could now fit into my kebaya(s) again. That I could now fit into a size 28 jeans. A size M top. A size M pants. I still carry on with the diet, not with the aim to lose any more weight, but to maintain it. I try to eat healthily, with portion control. Of course, this diet is botched whenever I go out, meet up with friends, travel or balik kampong, but I try to make up for these immediately. If I want, I could try to get back the weight that I had back in '98, that was the time when I was the slimmest ( I weighed slightly below 60kgs), but nah, I don't think so. Dieting is a regime of hard work and discipline, and I do not want this to rule my life. I do not want to harass myself. I stopped weighing myself when I reached my target of losing 10 kgs. My jeans, my kebaya, in fact, my whole wardrobe, are my weighing scale from now on.

2. Thesis, Studies

I managed to finish Chapters 1 and 2 this year. My SV is never prompt when it comes to appointments and giving feedback *sigh* but I continued working on my thesis. At times I found myself working diligently on it. At times I just abandoned it. I had my Seminar 1 presentation, which was nerve-wrecking. Bombarded with tough questions but I took them as constructive criticisms meant to help me improve my thesis.

I asked my SV about my progress once, and she said I was consistent. That elevated my mood a bit. But then maybe she was just saying that to pacify me? Now I am working on Chapter 3, which I'd aimed to finish by end of December, 2012, but at the time of speaking, it is only 80% complete *double sigh*. This partly explains why I don't really feel like doing anything on New Year's Eve. Friends had asked me whether I wanted to join them for some fireworks-watching at KLCC and I am still contemplating. We'll see.

3. Work, Career

Earlier this year I got a part time job teaching at OUM, a job which proved to be a good break from the monotony of thesis-thinking-and-writing. I enjoyed it! It'd been a while since I taught anything and I was really ecstatic!

Ann and I managed to get our article on the multimedia project published in Oxford's journal - an ISI journal - a first one for both of us! The article, the product of my research grant, had to be reworked a couple of times but it was worth it! I'd never felt so euphoric! The research project also won a bronze medal in the UPM Research and Innovation Exhibition in June! *icing on the cake* A project that I worked on with my colleague, Megat, also won the gold medal! *double icing on the cake*

I also got called to be a group leader for the Bengkel Matrik - after a long hiatus - to which I immediately said yes! I was worried about what my boss would say, knowing that she's against it - but Rohayza from Matrik assured me that I didn't have to worry. My boss was away for Hajj. Yippee! I had a great time! It is at a time like this that I get to see some of my colleagues and catch up with them. I'd heard that some of them made some noise about me attending the Bengkel but I guess some people are just... some people. Anyway, my chief leader was the gorgeous, hip and happening Dr. Deanna, with whom I enjoyed working. She's quite a story-teller, I enjoyed all of her stories. I want to be like her when I reach 60 - gorgeous, healthy and happening! I also had a small group this time - there were only 4 examiners in my group and most of them were from UITM Segamat! It's always fun to connect with people from your own home town! Really, things like Bengkel Matrik is something I look forward to, mainly because it is a break from my studies and an avenue for me to connect to people, new and old.

4. Travel, Holiday

I really didn't have any plans to travel this year, but as fate would have it, I travelled to Indonesia and Japan. My first destination was Makassar, with Miza. I'd been to Makassar once, and didn't mind going back as long as I get to devour those scrumptious Pisang Epe and Soto Makassar! Hehe. The second destination was Jogja - Ariani's place. From Jogja we went to Solo to catch the epic show Matah Ati. It was held outdoor, in one of the Kratons (palaces) in Solo and I really enjoyed it. Even though the show was in Javanese, it wasn't that difficult to follow. I was really impressed with the music, the costume, the 200+ dancers and the fireworks! It was a magnificent piece of performing art! Kudos to the whole team for putting up such an unforgettable show!

In October, Ann and I went to Japan. Ann was presenting a paper at a conference in Osaka and had asked me to come along. I was more than happy as I'd always wanted to go to Japan! We had fun exploring most of the nook and cranny of Osaka. All the stereotypes are true - Japan is super clean, super friendly and super expensive. We had a pleasant stay at the hotel- which was a 3-minute walk from the train station. Every time I got on the train, I wondered when my own homeland would be able to come up with such a superb, efficient transport system *sigh*. On one of the days when we were at the hotel, Ann and I actually talked about that time when we didn't talk for six months. It was then that she told me she was afraid of confrontations. Especially with me. I told her that was strange, considering she and I could talk about any thing. Oh well. I guess everybody has their own insecurities. I am just happy that now we are BFFs again.

Went to Kyoto for a one-day trip - it is more traditional and conservative than Osaka. The scenery was simply breathtaking. Met a geisha - I thought this was a thing in the past but it turned out it is not. I then remembered that I read somewhere, Japan is the best example of that modernity-tradition blend. My trip to Kyoto confirmed this.

5. Deaths, Morbidity

Two deaths in the family. My beloved Grandma and my beloved cousin brother. My Grandma died whilst she was on an Umrah trip in Mekah in June. People say those who die in Mekah are the chosen ones. I think so too. My Grandma's death made me wonder what is it about her that made her meet her death in such a divine way. I guess being a filial wife and mother, and a humble servant of God was all it took. I guess it's true that God made men and women equal. Men and women are given different roles, yes, but upon serving these roles to the best of their abilities, they get God's enormous blessings and mercy. And who says being a wife and a mother is not empowering?

Three days ago I received the shocking news that my cousin brother, Fir, died in an accident. Time stood still for a while. I was at a loss for words when I heard the news. To have died at such a young age, it is a very sad thing. I rushed home, and on the way dropped by the hospital in Tampin, where Fir's body was waiting to be released. Some of my relatives were already there. It is at times like these that I see how close my mom's family really is. When a calamity strikes, they will drop everything and rush to each other's side.

Talking about Fir. He was only 22. Just finished his diploma in September. The eldest child of my aunt's family. When he was a small kid, his family moved from Segamat to KL and rented a house next to my family's in Keramat. He was such a cute boy, manja and all, despite having younger siblings. My mom had then retired voluntarily from her workplace. She took care of him and his siblings, especially his baby bother, when my aunt and uncle went to work. You could say that he spent his formative years with my family. He was like my own brother. I don't remember exactly when his family moved back to Segamat, perhaps around the same time my family moved to Segamat in 2002. But that image of a cheeky boy calling me Kak Ijat, lingers forever in my mind. R.I.P. Fir. Know that you were deeply loved and will be sadly missed by all of us.

I hope there won't be any more deaths in the family in this near future. I can't handle another one. One thing about death in the family is that it makes me think all these morbid thoughts, which are depressive. Partly the reason why I am contemplating that NYE fireworks. Hmm.

6. Relationship, Muse

This year was a trying one. I don't exactly know why, at times, Muse's insensitivity really irked me. Perhaps because I wanted to be appreciated. I wanted to be missed. I wanted to be treated special. I wanted to hold hands. I don't know, but I guess I wanted all those non-material things that any ordinary woman would want out of a relationship.

We had a big row sometime in July or August. From a miscommunication, it culminated into a row. I wasn't sure what the outcome would be when I confronted him, all I knew was that it could break or mend the relationship. Either way, I had to take the chance. At that point too, I wasn't even sure whether Muse and I had a relationship! After the row however, I sort of got the confirmation that I wanted. I hope I wasn't wrong. Retrospectively, I can see how far we've come in the relationship. How far he has come, too. We've known each other for four and a half years now. I must admit, at times I am bugged by the question, where is this heading to? Because I really want to see this heading somewhere. What awaits in future is that big step (at least I see it that way), and given our past histories, a truly daunting step. What kept me going all this while was my optimism. Yup, my optimism has always been my backbone. My faith is the joints. My feelings for Muse is the glue that binds all these things together.

7. Hope, Resolution

With a somewhat sombre mood, given Fir's untimely death and all, I am carrying forward my two little wishes from 2012 to 2013. Let's just say that these two wishes are PhD-related and Muse-related. I am not carrying forward any credit card debts from 2012, thank God! As of 31 Dec 2012, I have zero balance in both my accounts. Yippee!!! This is the only consolation I have when 2013 approaches. Well, other than the two little wishes, I want to spend more time with my family, especially my Mom. I want to work harder, physically and mentally. I want to be closer to God. Amen.

Best Moments in 2012 (in pics):