2010 3Q

“The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our attitudes.” ~ Charles R. Swindoll.

Besides acute attacks of loneliness, the downside of working at home is that it gives me plenty of time to mull things over. Call it sentimentality but this is strictly a self-reflection report and a follow-up to my “Bring It On, 2010!” entry.

1. Earlier this year, I applied for two things. PHD and Promotion. I got accepted to UM within 2 months after I applied, which was like a dream come true. I had planned to go on a study leave in July and there were chances that I might not be able to do this since I was hard pressed for time but it worked out well in the end. I had only two months to apply for the scholarship and the study leave but somehow the cosmos worked in my favour. I am now officially a student again. And now I know how it feels to be a student. I’ve been in the teacher’s seat for so long sometimes I forget/overlook the 'other' seat.

2. The promotion didn’t fall through, though. I applied and after 4 months of waiting, they told me I didn’t get it. This is expected, I accept it but I’ll never forget these three things: the gruelling hours I spent just to fill in the application forms, the condescending ambience in the interview room, and the help rendered by my muse. I’ll cherish the last one forever! I almost burst into tears after he handed me the box full of copies of my work, and I said to myself: you don’t have to do anything else after this except to give me your heart!

3. For the first time in my life, I took part in a run. The Cyberjaya Night Run. It was my friend, Jee's idea. At first I thought she was just kidding but when she registered for it, I knew then that she was dead serious! Since this was our maiden run, we went for the 10 km run. Time given: 1 hr 30 mins and we both did it! Until now, I couldn't believe I did it within the time given! I didn't train hard anyway: A couple of weeks before the run, Jee and I ran (not religiously, mind you) at the UPM jogging track. Besides this minimum and playful training, I went to the gym as usual (twice or thrice a week). A week prior to the run I skipped rice, fearing that I'd bee too heavy to run. I met up with my buddy, Intan, and asked for some tips since she's been running  seriously for the past one or two years. I also consulted my muse, who's a pro already, a few times. On the day of the run, my trainer did some power stretching for me (I really didn't enjoy it but thanks anyway, dear). And thank God, these seemed to help. I clocked in 1 hr 29 mins. I felt euphoric! Like I've achieved something. Hehe. It was a great experience!

4. I’ve transformed my study at home! The whole process took a couple of months. I started by purchasing a lap top. Followed by installing wi-fi. Then I started a mega spring cleaning and ended up giving away 4 boxes of books and magazines to an ex-student of mine, which were a relief and a pleasure at the same time. A trip to IKEA ensued and I got myself a nice, decent bookshelf to add to the already existing one. A laser printer completed the transformation. My study is now fully equipped and transformed!

5. I’ve never done a lot of reading as I’ve done for the past 2 months. I might love reading but reading academic matters is truly challenging, mind-boggling, exhausting and white-hair-inducing but it’s not like I have a choice. I came up with another blog in conjunction with this intensive reading – just to make sure I take notes and these notes won’t be lost. It’s a private blog, though. I worry about unscrupulous people.

6. I welcomed my new niece, Qaleesha Amanda on 8 July. Her arrival was not without a lot of tests, though. First, the difficult delivery that my dear sis had to endure. Then the jaundice that had inflicted her for almost 3 weeks! I recently taped my mom giving a bath to the baby and I cry every time I watch this video. My mom’s face and gentle actions emanated with soooo much unconditional love that I just wish it was my baby. In future, will my mom be able to hold my baby the same way she was holding my niece? I hope she lives long enough. Please don’t go yet, mom.

7. I’ve revealed a fact about myself to my muse and it gave me a huge relief. It’s a fact that I’ve been holding back from him all this while, kinda like a luggage I’ve locked and kept in the closet for so long. I have my reasons for not telling him, but I guess the most important one is I want to make sure he likes me for who I am, regardless of the luggage I have with me.

Except for the promotion thing, things seem to be looking up this year. What’s in store for me in the last quarter of this year is still a mystery but I hope to sustain a positive attitude through it all. I must!