IT'S A PANDAN LIFE ...!

Times have changed. And so has my wall of Rakish Inc.! Hehe. Well, some men are simply God's gifts to humanity!  1. Luke Evans Never has there been a sexier Dracula!  2. Mads Mikkelsen Some men are like wine. They get better with age. And a royal affair!  3. James Franco I like funny men!  4. Cristiano Ronaldo Not a football fan but this guy sure makes football a lot sexier!  5. Ebizo Ichikawa XI A samurai as rakish as this? Why not?  A man's face is his autobiography. ~ Oscar Wilde

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” ~ Soren Kierkegaard I have been very INACTIVE here. The reasons are many. I felt like I had nothing much to write. I was too preoccupied with work. I was lazy. I was too pissed-off with *_*  who must have thought it would be cool to be able to read (literally) my mind but then couldn't handle whatever shit that was written here. My mind is my essence. My mind is also the vortex of my inner chaos, which needs to be de-cluttered when the need arises. I don't need a man who gets easily offended  (and intimidated) by every single thing that I write, anyway. But now that he's no longer in my life, I can write whatever I want here. Not that I haven't been writing whatever I want. Hence this post. I hope to write more here in 2015. Haha. We'll see. This is not a resolution but I kinda have this vision that one day, when I am really, really, really old, I'm gonna  print ...

The day she had dreaded for so long had come. She had postponed it so many times, thinking she wouldn't be able to handle it. The signs were there. Too obvious to ignore. There was the silence. The coldness. He couldn't be bothered with whatever she did any more. There was no communication. Her texts were often greeted with clipped, emotionless responses. And when they went out, no more long, meaningful conversations like they used to have and more often than not he was in a hurry to get home. Sometimes she even felt like he was just dragging his feet to go out with her. Still, she persevered. She wasn't about to let go of a relationship that had meant something to her for the past five years. Perhaps she was delusional, thinking and expecting things to get better. Living in past memories more than the present. The signs that the relationship was coming to an end were all there but she chose to ignore them, and shoved everything into the back of her head, thinking she ...

My birthday this year was a happy occassion, mainly for two reasons. First, it fell on Eid Adha. So this means I get to celebrate it with my family, in my hometown. Second, it was kinda like a double celebration. Five days before my birthday, I had successfully defended my thesis, which means I had fulfilled one of the major requirements for getting a PhD in UM. All I have to do now is finish the last two chapters! I was overjoyed, and this euphoria continued on until my birthday. Naturally. Hehe. I woke up in the morning with some kind of zest. After a scrumptious breakfast comprising of ketupat, rendang and the like, we headed to my late Dad's grave. It's been a while since I stepped foot at the graveyard. 8 years have passed since my Dad's tragic death. If he were still alive today, I would have asked him to forgive me and to pray for my success and happiness. I miss my Abah, my favourite guy. A guy who had never let me down and loved me unconditionally.  My sis ...

About a year ago, a colleague, Megat, asked me whether I wanted to be part of his research team, which was going to produce a documentary about the bird's nest industry in Malaysia. My part, he described, would be to write the text in English and to go for sales-pitch once the documentary is ready. I agreed immediately, as I had worked with him before. He is easy-going and has helped me on a number of occasions. Plus, I am thrilled with the thought of writing the English text for the documentary, which is a great challenge. I haven't been writing texts/scripts for TV for quite some time. This venture would also serve as a break from the monotony of writing my thesis. Recently, Megat took me on a trip to Miri, Sarawak. The writing stage for the documentary has not started yet but he wanted me to get a feel of the shooting/filming process, as well as hands-on knowledge of the bird's nest industry. He had already  stationed his research team at Sandakan. Now, they're m...

I guess I had a different kind of Eid celebration this year. The month of Ramadan that preceded it flew so fast. I've been having a lot of emotional turbulences before Ramadan came, so Ramadan came just at the right time. Like what God has ordained, during this entire month, I tried to place more emphasis on my religious actions as opposed to my daily routine and emphasis on worldly matters. The essence of Ramadan, which is to become humble, simple and free from ill-will, anger, and hate, really came through to me this time. I found solace in Ramadan. And in God. Eid came soon after. I felt like a kid, counting the days when I would head home and join my family and  cuddle with my baby nephew, Qaleef. I even baked some cookies, my first-time ever! Luckily they turned out fine. I guess next year I won't have to buy any cookies! Haha. We'll see. I don't know why but this time around I didn't say no whenever my mom asked me if I wanted to join her visit our relati...

Now that Ramadan has entered its second week, I can't help but notice the countless ads and promotions of baju raya on TV, newspapers, magazines and Facebook. I notice that somehow the baju kurung has lost its originality and losing popularity as the baju raya . Facts that don't really sit well with me.  Back when I was young, the baju kurung was the only baju raya that I knew. Occassionally, baju kebaya was also worn as baju raya but in Johor we used to be proud of the traditional baju kurung. Johor takes pride in its baju kurung Teluk Belanga , its distinctive style is known from the cutting style at the neck. The Teluk Belanga style has no collar and the neckline is stitched in the style known as tulang belut ("eel's spines or bones"). My mom used to sew our baju kurungs herself. She would spend hours stitching the seams, as well as stitching the tulang belut , a skill which I unfortunately didn't inherit. Sigh. Nowadays, it is difficult to find ...